Does Your Lover Love You? Key Signs to Tell
Hearing the magic words “I love you” from your partner could be a way to tell that he/she really loves you. Whilst most relationship theories focus on how partners feel toward each other, John Gottman’s behavioural approach suggests that you need to focus on the outward signs to figure out whether the love is real. In the course of his 40+ year career, Gottman has developed mathematical models, scales, and formulas to identify the elements of stability in relationships and the interactive patterns that cause couples to divorce.
For Gottman, the following are clues that could help you gauge the depth of your partner’s feelings:
He/she trusts you.
Trust is at the core of any romantic relationship. Without it, no couple could survive. Research shows that in successful long-term relationships, partners want to have a sense of knowing where their mates are at any given time. But they don’t have this worry just because they think you could be doing something bad. If your partner doesn’t question where you are when you come home late, or snoop through your phone messages every now and then, he/she shows the kind of trust that is caring.
He/she shows affection.
Showing affection isn’t limited to having sex. It can be shown through physical closeness as well, such as hugging, kissing, holding hands, and the like. All these tell you that your partner feels a deeper connection with you.
He/she asks about your day.
Does your partner ask about your day at work? Daily communication is vital to the success of a romantic relationship. It’s where bonding starts.
He/she is there to help you out.
A loving partner will go the extra mile to help you out, especially during those times when you can’t handle things on your own. When you’re too sick to go to the drug store to buy medications, he/she will do it for you. When you can’t prepare breakfast because you haven’t had enough sleep the other night, your partner willingly does.
He/she includes you in making decisions.
You may be two separate individuals with different goals in life. Nonetheless, a partner who cares about you will consider you when making major decisions. Asking about your thoughts or opinions can really make you feel that you are important and that your partner considers you a valuable part of his/her life.
He/she shows respect for your views.
It doesn’t matter if you have conflicting views about some things. What is important is that you both have respect for each other’s beliefs and views. When it comes to relationships, the key factor is not what your beliefs are, but how open you can be to accepting your partner’s perspective as valid.
He/she likes to talk about the past.
Does your partner usually start your conversations with “Do you remember the time when we…? Reminiscing the best moments in your life, whether they happened several years (or decades) ago, is indicative that your shared experiences play an important role in his/her life.
He/she makes you feel good about yourself.
You may not have the best figure in the world, or the most charming face. But if your partner makes you feel every day that for him/her, you are the most beautiful, that is enough. There’s nothing more romantic than being with someone who makes you feel valued and special.
He/she wants to spend time with you.
They say the best thing you can give to your partner is your time. You may be both tied up to work, but a caring, devoted partner will always find time to be with you.
Whilst these signs could not directly measure the strength of love and care your partner has toward you, or vice versa, they could serve as a guide that can help you gain insight into your relationship’s strengths and weaknesses. And from there, be able to work on those not-so-good areas.
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